I was sitting in a coffee shop last week, pretending to work on my laptop¹, when I witnessed a small drama unfold at the table next to mine. A woman was explaining to

I was standing in the produce section of my local grocery store last Tuesday¹, holding two avocados and facing what can only be described as a suburban microcrisis². The first avocado felt right.

The call came through at 3:47 PM on a Thursday, which is the exact time coordinates when the universe conspires to hand you problems that make your undergraduate computer science education feel

I was twenty-six and standing in the break room, watching Margaret from HR methodically arrange sugar packets by size while explaining why the new employee handbook would "revolutionize workplace synergy."

I was attempting to extract ketchup from one of those glass bottles. You know the kind, the sadistic ones with the narrow neck that seem designed by someone who had clearly never encountered